None of us realises, until we reach a certain age (no, not that certain age), how old our mothers are which has nothing to do with their actual age. Just as we fail to realise, how they are ageing; we’re often caught by surprise when we realise that our mum has suddenly become a little less positive in all she does.

Where does 50 come into it? Well, just think about your mother’s mother (that would be grandma) and see the difference between your grandmother’s 50 and your mother’s. Very different generations, not because of the time difference but because of the speed of technology.

It creeps up on us and suddenly …

Although every generation believes their mothers are old, usually from being teenagers, it isn’t until you reach your own magical 50+, and your mum may even be gone by then, that you understand what happens. But this does explain why we often react so strongly when we catch that reflection of ourselves and see our mum reflected back! The reasoning is My mum is old … I’m not old so how can I possibly look so much like her.

It happens and it can be world-shattering.

Truly, I believe that any one of us who has crossed the bridge to perimenopause and everything that follows is in such a different territory that we could almost declare ourselves to be another species.

What happens on our way to being old …

There are no guidelines for us to reference when we head into the world of swinging hormones. When we reach this phase of our lives, everything we do is a first.

We women-who-are-not-old but are far from being young, come in all shapes and sizes, we’re ‘available’ in huge numbers and we’re definitely Autumnal, which is not the same as Funereal. Although we may be tempted to dress that way. Black is always good!

What we must remember …

We have enormous buying power. When will manufacturers and retailers understand that we need to be wooed in exactly the same way as teenagers! You want my money? Work for it and give me what I want … not what the 25-year-old in your retail department thinks I want.

We are trendsetters. Yes. We are. Doesn’t matter how old you are; if you’re over 55+ you’re a trendsetter.

We live with and for other people and we frequently have trouble living with our past! If we choose, and we should all make this choice, we have the ability to build a bridge and get over it … so why do so many of us stay stuck?

Most women experience the same challenges but the way we handle them is crucial to the beginning of what, in Europe, is called our Third Age. In the US and the UK, we’re still largely known as Baby Boomers or just boomers.

As part of moving along, we must decide if we’re going to continue to give our power to other people and live our lives for their benefit, or if we’re going to re-discover the vibrant, intelligent and still sexy woman within.

We need to recognise we are not just adjuncts to husbands, partners, children, dogs, cats or even (and perhaps especially) our parents.

If you don’t experience 50 as the new 40 it may be because you’re worrying about work or the future, the state of your marriage, the children or even the planet. You may have little social activity outside the home. You may even experience feelings of helplessness at your lack of purpose and despair at your perceived inability to change. Some of this may apply to you and some may not.

Choosing your path for the last part of the journey and learning to say no aren’t easy.