I’m wondering if the title of this little blog seems patronising, sexist, and the type of thing a woman of 50 (and then some), would not look for! It does to me but I suppose there are many many girls who need to feel useful. Again.
It’s the inclusion of again I think. Surely, as women, we spend our lives being useful. What is useful anyway? Personally I prefer beneficial or valuable. Useful is a tad utilitarian don’t you think?
But you know, we live so much longer now, and although those extra years are a wonderful gift, if you don’t know what to do with them, you have to dig deep and find a new purpose. To find something you believe in, that’s important enough to get you motivated and out of bed each day. Something that restores your feeling of usefulness. If you’ve lost it …
As your life transitions you have finally been given the perfect opportunity to follow a new path. New inspirations and even the pursuit of old callings. But because you are who you are, wanting to feel useful is one of those things it’s unlikely you’ll abandon.
Four things you can do to help you explore your inner-self and feel useful
Do nothing … initially.
It’s important to sit in the moment and assess your feelings.
Resist the temptation to launch yourself into what comes next. Give yourself permission just to sit in the neutral zone for a while: this is a time to stop.
It can be frightening to do nothing, even for a short time. When you go with the flow though, new ideas and possibilities will emerge. You will be able to define the ‘who you are now‘ rather than ‘the who you were then’. Most importantly, you will be able to clearly define the talents and abilities you have to be useful.
This neutral state will also help you achieve closure on some excess baggage.
Tell your life story
If writing is hard for you, record yourself speaking or pretend you’re writing a letter to a friend. Create an outline for your life story.
Thoughts and images will flow through your mind as you do this and you will expand on some parts of the story. Things you did, relationships you had, all those things that mattered most to you and that had the greatest effect on your life as it is today. Those areas in which your felt the most useful.
Most of us had a mother who hung on to everything! Now is the time to be grateful for that; it makes it so much easier to rediscover what was important to you in your not-so-distant-past. How many of these things were pushed aside or forgotten because ‘life got in the way’.
Now you have the time to investigate and find out if these things would be something you’d like to do now. Always have a note pad with you to jot down any little forgotten moments; you can re-visit them later.
Write a personal mission statement which includes how you want to be useful in your new life
What is your life mission? Do you have one? If you’ve ever done a personal development workshop, what did you write then? Are you looking to serve others?
If you have a personal mission now you are no longer tied down, what is it? Check through old diaries, or vision boards or anything you did that captured you hopes and dreams. Re-visit them.
This is not about writing your goals. It’s about writing your deepest values. Use free form writing, and if you’re not sure about that, this will tell you what you need to know …
It really is such a good title. I recommend it for a new slant on your writing technique
Involve others
Bounce your ideas off trusted friends. Invite them to brainstorm with you. True friends who know you well enough to understand what will make you feel useful.
Ask your friends to describe you, including good and bad. Do not be embarrassed by praise and accept any little niggles they may have with good grace. You never know how much you can give until you understand how others see you.
The opportunities are endless
There are so many things you can choose to do from part-time work to volunteering.
Do your research and find organisations looking for people like you who want to continue being a useful person, contributing to society.
You know a lot more about yourself now and are able to look for opportunities that would be a match for you. Who knows? You may finally find a way to work with animals, or whatever new passion you have found.
One of my suggestions is always to take the time to Take Stock. If you follow this chart, you’ll see what has to be done.
As usual, if you need any help or would like to share with us all, please do so. We love to hear from you.
