It sounds harsh doesn’t it? But when you understand its true meaning you’ll understand how empowering it is; what makes it empowering is the simple use of that little pronoun MY. There is no defence or blame when you include personal responsibility.
Yet worrying what others think of them is often a major cause of anxiety for women of all ages and surprisingly enough, even for the 55+ of the world. Surely a time at which we should be leaving such rubbish where it belongs … in the rubbish bin.
There are certain immutable facts we should accept that are associated with the other people who may think about you or even talk about you.
People are focussed on themselves
The only thing you can control in your life are your thoughts and sometimes not even those! What others may think is simply their opinion, based on their perceptions.
When you’re having a conversation with another person and they don’t seem focused that’s often because they aren’t. People are busy thinking of their reply to whatever you said before you’ve said it … you must have noticed the strange non-sequiturs in some conversations!
Focus on yourself because you’re what matters.
Don’t take things personally.
Fact … most of the time people really are not talking about you when you think they are; they’re probably talking about someone else! It’s all about themselves. If you have never read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz do so if you want to gain a real understanding of this.
My grandmother used to say “While they’re talking about you they’re leaving someone else alone. She was probably right.
When someone is rude or short-tempered, they’re showing a reflection of how they’re feeling. Give them the benefit of the doubt … it’s empowering to you and, though they may not know it, you’re being kind to them.
Don’t analyse conversations to death.
Trying for example, to decipher the hidden meaning behind someone’s Facebook or Twitter posts is a total waste of time and energy. When you’re tempted to be caught in this game ask yourself:
□ Who really cares?
□ Will the world stop turning if you don’t know?
□ What else could you be doing?
If anyone has a hidden agenda it’s hidden for a reason and you may find out on a need to know basis … which makes it very exciting!
Brush it off.
You probably know from experience that the more you focus on anything, the bigger it gets. A tiny issue or even a single word can expand to a gargantuan, out of all proportion, problem.
This often happens in families where, for whatever reason, one relative will say something to another relative who will take umbrage and cause a major conniption in their relationship. It can happen with anyone you know. Don’t be upset. Do something positive to reverse the bucket of cold water. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it makes you smile and eases any tension.
Tune out.
A huge lesson we can all learn. If there are people around you or near you who are a little too vociferous in their arguments pretend you have a hearing aid and shut them down. Make yourself immune to their disagreements.
Turn your selective hearing into a sense that is useful to you. Ignore others’ commentaries on social media … just decide not to go there.
No … requires no explanation
I always feel this applies to women more than men. Especially midlife women.
Healthy boundaries are made healthier by saying no and enable others to be clear about what you want and what they can expect.
Often, saying no is showing respect for others and the perception you create in others is that your time is more valuable. You receive greater respect from your friends and family and peers.
Remember, NO requires no explanation but it’s important to be nice when you say it …
What do you think? Have you learned to say NO yet? Do you feel others understand what you want? Are others willing to accept their opinion is really none of your business? Is it too harsh for you?
